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The Dayton Daily News: You know Charlie and Snoopy and Linus and Lucy, Rudolph and Ralphie and Frosty and Grinchy.

But do you recall the most horrible holiday films of all?

Not every Christmas movie or television special becomes an enduring classic, destined for annual repeats and holiday marathons.

In fact, many of these ill-fated attempts at Christmas cheer aren’t even available on DVD. They’ve been forgotten like misfit toys, and justly so.

Here are our picks for the 10 worst Christmas movies and TV specials. Beware — they’re pure jingle hell.

‘Santa Claus Conquers the Martians’

The Citizen Kane of bad Christmas films, this bizarre 1964 sci-fi fantasy finds Santa Claus being kidnapped by Martians to bring cheer to the children of Mars. One of the Martian kids was portrayed by a 10-year-old Pia Zadora, who “never got much taller,” according to the wisecracking crew of Mystery Science Theater 3000. Available on DVD, the MST3K version is a hilarious rip on the awful, low-budget film. “What is it?” shrieks an Earth girl being pursued at the North Pole by a Martian robot. “It’s a guy in a cardboard box with a coffee urn on his head,” replies MST3K’s Joel Robinson.

‘The Star Wars Holiday Special’

If you thought Jar Jar Binks was bad, check out this 1978 CBS holiday special spinoff of the original Star Wars film. Better yet, don’t. “This is some of the most painful television ever created,” said a review on the Web site, Oh, the Humanity! Most notable for introducing the cult character Boba Fett, this special featured the film’s cast, plus such guest stars as Harvey Korman and Bea Arthur. Carrie Fisher, deep into her hard-partying days, sang a “Life Day” carol based on the Star Wars theme. “If this isn’t an argument for getting people off drugs, I don’t know what is,” the reviewer wrote. Bootleg clips can be found online at YouTube.com.

‘Babes in Toyland’

The oft-filmed Victor Herbert operetta was translated to Cincinnati in this 1986 TV movie musical that starred Drew Barrymore, Keanu Reeves and Pat Morita. It featured “jaw-droppingly awful musical numbers,” according to eFilmCritic.com’s Collin Souter. Barrymore, who was drinking and doing drugs by age 12, played a little girl who bumps her head and wakes up in Toyland on Christmas Eve. “Historically interesting,” Souter wrote, “if only to gaze into Barrymore’s drug-addled, bloodshot eyes or to watch Keanu drive around in a pink, flowery go-cart … before singing about the joys of Ohio.”

‘Christmas Comes to Pac-Land’

This 1982 cartoon special starring Pac-Man and his family was a crass attempt to cash in on the video-game craze. It was named the second worst holiday programming ever, after the Star Wars fiasco, in Television Without Pity’s 752 Things We Love to Hate (and Hate to Love) About TV. “This holiday special’s across-the-board suckitude remains seared into our memories like a brand,” the authors wrote. Trying to capitalize on Pac-Man fever is one thing, they noted, but not when the poorly animated characters look nothing like the original. “How hard is it to animate a circle with a pie piece cut out of it?”

‘Jack Frost’

Michael Keaton, as a mediocre blues singer who neglects his son, is killed in a car crash on Christmas Eve. How’s that for a cheery premise? But wait, it gets better. Keaton’s character, named Jack Frost, is reincarnated a year later as his son Charlie’s snowman. He attempts to make up for lost time with Charlie, which allows the makers of this 1998 slushball to shovel on the sentiment. However, he also has to contend with the whole melting thing. “OK, I’m back, but why a snowman?” Keaton asks. “Is it the name Jack Frost? Because that’s not even clever, that’s cheesy.” You said it, Jack.

‘Silent Night, Deadly Night’

Forget the lump of coal. Naughty people get punished by an ax-wielding psycho wearing a Santa suit in this controversial 1984 slasher film, which prompted protests at theaters where it was shown. Heavy on bloodshed and gratuitous nudity, it was a box-office success and spawned four sequels. The story follows a young boy named Billy, who is fearful of Santa’s wrath. As an adult, Billy deals with his issues by donning a red suit and chanting “Naughty! Punish!” as he dispatches sexually active teens. “What’s next?” asked film critic Leonard Maltin. “The Easter Bunny as a child molester?”

‘Surviving Christmas’

A contemporary stab at the worst Christmas movie of all time, this 2004 comedy starred Ben Affleck as a spoiled millionaire who hires a suburban Chicago clan to be his family at Christmas time. Ben forces the likes of Tony Soprano (James Gandolfini) to wear a Santa hat — but sadly, he doesn’t get whacked. “So dreadful, Fox released it theatrically in October just so they could put it out of its misery by releasing it on video the following December,” said eFilmCritic’s Souter.

‘Eight Crazy Nights’

Adam Sandler’s 2002 animated gross-out musical-comedy celebrates the Festival of Lights, whose candles should have been used to torch the master print. Sandler provides the voice of Davey Stone, a drunk who is ordered by a judge to spend the holiday performing community service as the assistant referee for a youth basketball league. His redemption involves lots of potty humor, including one character rolling down a hill in a portable toilet. “A holiday film for the whole family,” wrote the Chicago Reader’s J.R. Jones, “provided the whole family is obsessed with human waste.”

‘Jingle All the Way’

Arnold Schwarzenegger dashes through the snow on Christmas Eve in hapless pursuit of an action figure for his son. But laughs are even harder to find in this distressing 1996 slapstick farce, whose box-office failure started Schwarzenegger’s descent from A-list status. Now California’s governor, Schwarzenegger has yet to live down the holiday turkey. When his four ballot measures were rejected by California voters in November 2005, Tonight Show host Jay Leno quipped: “This has to be the worst day Arnold’s had since that movie Jingle All the Way came out.”

Kathie Lee Gifford’s Christmas specials

Regis Philbin’s former Live co-host starred during the 1990s in annual CBS holiday specials that featured her husband, Frank Gifford, and their children. Washington Post television critic Tom Shales probably clinched his Pulitzer Prize with his scathing reviews of them. Shales called 1995’s Kathie Lee: Home for Christmas, “a sickeningly saccharine vanity production that should really have been titled O Come, Let Us Adore Me.” Her 1998 outing, Kathie Lee Gifford: Christmas Every Day, led him to ask: “What’s the difference between the 24-hour flu and a Kathie Lee Gifford Christmas special? Twenty-three hours.”

Source: ThinkGeek

If your lifelong dream was to watch 128×128 video on a watch like the one you had in 8th grade, well, now you can die happy. The same watch as sold on Brando, but about $10 cheaper for the 2GB version and ships from inside the US. Of course, the thing uses an OLED display, which means it’s going to be a bit harder to watch outdoors. But if you buy the watch, what are the chances you’ll be going outdoors?

Besides the 128×128 pixel, 1.5-inch screen, the thing can display the time and date (how does it do that?), plays back MP3/WMA, and even has voice recording. Great for surrupticiously recording yourself being fleeced by the local mechanic. What do you mean it costs $79.99 for an oil change?

Source: The Hollywood Reporter

HBO is developing a one-hour series based on the popular 1990s Vertigo comics series, Preacher, says The Hollywood Reporter.

Mark Steven Johnson (upcoming Ghost Rider, Daredevil) is writing the pilot, while Howard Deutch is attached to direct. Johnson and Deutch will executive produce along with Michael De Luca, George Agusto, Chris Bender and JC Spink.

Preacher, which ran from 1995-2000, told the story of a down-and-out Texas preacher possessed by Genesis, a supernatural entity conceived by the unnatural coupling of an angel and a demon. Given immense powers, the preacher teamed with an old girlfriend and a hard-drinking Irish vampire and set out on a journey across America to find God — who apparently had abandoned his duties in heaven — and hold him accountable for his negligence.

The series was created by Irish-born writer Garth Ennis and British artist Steve Dillon, who will serve as co-executive producers. Ken F. Levin, who represents the duo, also will serve as co-executive producer.

There have been several attempts to bring the comic to the screen, whether big or small, but nothing stuck, says the trade. A movie version, to have been produced by Kevin Smith’s View Askew, among others, got to the casting stage, with James Marsden attached.

Source: TV Guide

TV Guide’s Michael Ausiello has a casting scoop for Heroes:

Question: Your superpower is super scoop. Save the world and give us some Heroes poop.— Sarah
Ausiello: Fanboys, prepare to piddle yourself. Christopher Eccleston — the original Dr. Who from the current Sci Fi/BBC series — is joining the cast in January in a really super (tee-hee) role. Speaking of cool casting, wait until you see who’s ******* ****’s ****. You’re going to flip.

Heroes airs Mondays on NBC.

I saw the coming attractions on TV last night… this is definitely getting added to my tivo:

TV network Fox plans to broadcast an interview with OJ Simpson in which the former football star discusses “how he would have committed” the killings of his ex-wife and her friend.

Simpson was acquitted of murder in a widely-watched trial.

The two-part interview, OJ Simpson: If I Did It, Here’s How It Happened, will air on November 27 and 29, the TV network said.

Simpson has agreed to an “unrestricted” interview with book publisher Judith Regan, Fox said.

“OJ Simpson, in his own words, tells for the first time how he would have committed the murders if he were the one responsible for the crimes,” the network said in a statement.

“In the two-part event, Simpson describes how he would have carried out the murders he has vehemently denied committing for over a decade.”

Source

Source: 20th Century Fox

The new trailer for The Simpsons Movie, which premiered during the latest episode of the series on Fox Sunday evening, can now be watched online via this link in high quality QuickTime!

Opening in theaters on July 27, the big screen adaptation features the voices of Dan Castellaneta, Julie Kavner, Nancy Cartwright, Yeardley Smith, Hank Azaria, Harry Shearer, Pamela Hayden, Tress MacNeille, Erin Brockovich, Minnie Driver and Albert Brooks.

First look at the Martian Manhunter from the latest episode of Smallville.

The eight episode of Smallville titled “Static” is here, and with it the first appearance of the Martian Manhunter on the TV series. Glowing eyes and all.

For more pictures click here.

Source: Variety

Fox is developing “Them,” an hourlong alien-themed project in the works from helmer Jonathan Mostow (Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines) and writers David Eick (”Battlestar Galactica”) and John McNamara (”Profit”).

Circle of Confusion’s David Engel and David Alpert also are executive producing via CBS Paramount Network Television.

Variety says the project is based on the graphic novel “Six,” written by Michael Oeming and Daniel Berman. Eick and McNamara are writing the script for the TV take, executive producing with Mostow.

Mostow is attached to direct and executive produce the project, which could mark his first major foray into TV.

“Them” involves a sleeper cell of extraterrestrial terrorists who take the shape of humans. Their mission is compromised when they start experiencing human emotions, which act like a drug on the aliens.

“On a surface level, it’s a really cool science fiction thriller,” Mostow saod. “But underneath, it’s a very provocative show that’s really going to explore what it means to be human, to be a person.”

Source: NBC

NBC has renewed its critically acclaimed, first-year drama “Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip” (Mondays, 10-11 p.m. ET) for the remainder of the 2006-07 season, it was announced today by Kevin Reilly, President, NBC Entertainment.

“I am pleased to show our support for this outstanding and ambitious effort from executive producers Aaron Sorkin and Thomas Schlamme,” said Reilly. “From the start, they have delivered the superb show that we wanted. The critical support has been rock-solid and there is a passionate core audience. We can’t wait for what’s going to come in the remainder of the season.”

Emmy Award-winning executive producer-writer (NBC’s “The West Wing”) Sorkin and Emmy-winning executive producer-director (”The West Wing”) Schlamme returned to television this Fall with this crackling take on the drama behind the humor of producing a popular, late-night comedy sketch show, “Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip.”

Sorkin lays bare the backstage politics, romances and delicate balance between creative talent, on-air personalities and network executives in an instant text-messaging world. Prominent are Jordan McDeere (Amanda Peet), a savvy new network entertainment chief who inherits a massive public relations disaster on the series — even before she starts her first day — and Matt Albie (Matthew Perry) and Danny Tripp (Bradley Whitford), a brilliant creative team that she wants to resurrect the program.

Also playing crucial roles are the sketch-comedy series stars Harriet Hayes (Sarah Paulson), Simon Stiles (D.L. Hughley) and Tom Jeter (Nathan Corddry), their normally cool-headed director, Cal Shanley (Timothy Busfield) as well as supreme network honcho Jack Rudolph (Steven Weber).

The series is a production of Warner Bros. Television.

Source: The Hollywood Reporter

Morgan Freeman is in final talks to star opposite James McAvoy in Universal Pictures’ Wanted, a sci-fi actioner that will mark the English-language debut of Russian filmmaker Timur Bekmambetov.

Wanted is based on Mark Millar’s explosive graphic novel series, published by Top Cow. The story follows a put-upon man (McAvoy) who discovers that his long-lost father is an assassin. After his dad is murdered, the son is recruited into a covert organization of killers and trained to follow in his father’s footsteps.

Freeman will play Sloan, the lead assassin who trains McAvoy.